Tuesday, August 28, 2018


What are triggers?

Triggers are things that set other things in motion. Most commonly when we think of triggers, we think of guns. We pull the trigger and release the bullet to destroy whatever is on its path. Someone else can pull it as well and unknowingly shoot you at your weakest spot and sadly others will knowingly aim directly at you, pull the trigger and shoot you over and over again.

One of the cognitive Therapies associated with recovery is knowing your triggers and avoiding them like the plague. When triggers appear in your life, which they always will; it is imperative to see it coming and do your best to dodge the bullet. I know, easier said than done because triggers can show up out of nowhere when you least expect them right when you think you are safe.

Ways to deflect the bullets that the triggers set in motion

Move out of the way! If you know that a person, place, thing or thought is a trigger steer clear!

Tell people who love, respect and care about your well-being what your triggers are so that they can help keep you out of harms way.

Bclieve in yourself and your power to overcome. The bullet only has the power you give it, do not pull the trigger and hope there is nothing on the chamber. Russian roulette has terrible odds! If it hurt you before chances are pretty good it will most certainly hurt you again.

Most importantly, if you are reading this there is a pretty good chance you have dodged your fair share of bullets, that is survival. The trigger was pulled, you faced the bullet and lived to tell the tale.

The source of all goodness in the world has a counterpart that is the source of all evil. Believe in the power of love to overcome fear which is what all evil feeds on and the bullets become fewer and farther between and one day maybe not so far away you can live in peace with yourself which is ultimately the only person who can save you from yourself.

Remove your finger from the trigger put the weapon down and be safe, you got this!

love you k


Wednesday, August 8, 2018


Positive and/or negative

noun (first two definitions)
  1. a person or thing that creeps.
  2. Botany. a plant that grows upon or just beneath the surface of the ground, or upon any other surface, sending out rootlets from the stem, as ivy and couch grass.

1. The negative: Yesterday was a rough day, I was overthinking; as I often do. The little things that are easy to push to the back of my mind gathered together and creeped up on me. It took a couple of days for them to come to the surface and it didn't happen while I was awake. they snuck in while I was sleeping when my mind was (supposed to be) at rest.

I woke up in the middle of the night two nights in a row wide awake and knew I was off. It took some time and of course, some discomfort to figure out what it was that was creeping in to my subconscious.

When things creep in that do not serve your higher purpose, give them away. Likewise, when things creep in that do serve your higher  purpose give those away too by sharing them with others.

I am grateful that I have my person, my best friend that I can give both to.

I took a look in my head and said to myself, what has to stay and what has to go. I get scared when I can't control every aspect of everything because that is what has kept me going (or at least so I thought) through some really tough times. The more I keep, the creepier the pile gets.

I let it go, I surrendered to my safe place and got rid of the creepy stuff. I was not able to answer every question or see into the future by rubbing my magical crystal ball that only shows me my make believe world filled with rainbows and unicorns.

I was able to trust my higher power which comes from Spirit and flows through me; helping me accept at this very moment in time (not sooner/not later) I have exactly what I need to pull out the creepers from the roots. I know that if and when they sneak back in, like creepers often do; I have the power and will do whatever it takes to pull out the little buggers again.

2. The positive: Creepers can bring joy, The image you see here is morning glories. Morning glories are creepers, they are flowers on vines that spread rapidly. These morning glories came from seeds that were given to me last year at the end of the season by a gentleman who lived in a long term care facility whom I met while visiting my patients. He left this life shortly after giving them to me and I planted them this year in his honor and memory. What a blessing to have had that man creep into my life and leave me with not only his memory but a beautiful reminder that I can re-seed every year to keep that beauty growing.

Weed out the creepers that do not serve you to make room for the creepers that fill your life and Spirit with joy for the journey.

Divine Spirit and Guiding Force,
I give you thanks for the creepers
in my life and for the gift of those
that help me to know the one's that
serve my higher purpose 
and those that don't
Please help me and all your children 
to see your love and light in
the dark places, at times we visit,
so that we may find our way back
to the safety of your kind embrace.

In peace love and gratitude for
this 'mornings glory' 

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Animal House 1978

I was a teenager in the 80's when the film Animal House was a cult classic. I remember every scene from that film and have re-watched it many times. My feelings about this film have changed over the years and I don't see it quite the way I used to. At the time it seemed as though it would be super cool to be part of that party scene; Looking back I see the film completely differently.

At 10 years old I smoked my first cigarette and at around 13 years old I started partying with friends. I drank too much, I smoked a ton of cigarettes and just as much weed. I tried other things but alcohol and weed were the drugs I chose to feel good or get away from how I really felt. Growing up is hard and I am lucky to be alive, given many of my risky behaviors. I wish I knew then what I know now.

Spending your entire life looking for the next party or partying to avoid life is no way to live. It can and it will catch up with you. If you are constantly searching, you will never see what is right in front of you.

I partied a lot, so much so that I found if I wasn't partying I was pretty miserable. Then I figured it out, if I needed something to take the edge off or something to loosen up that what I was doing was self-medicating  I wanted to feel different then I felt sober because sober didn't feel good and unfortunately that is the case for many of todays kids no different than it was when I was young.

I said I was lucky, and I was; I was spared the addictive gene that traveled through my family on both sides. I was able to choose to stop any time I wanted but I always knew it could've ended very differently.

The reality is todays alcohol and drugs are different from what was out there in my partying days and it was a lot less accessible. When I drank it wasn't some brand new fancy higher volume alcohol mixed with something else, it was the simple stuff (which truth be told got me in major trouble on more than one occasion and in more than one way). When I smoked weed it came from a friends backyard, it wasn't manufactured or treated with something, to make it 'better'.

If I had access then to what kids have access to today, I too would most probably be on the list of people who are no longer with us or fighting addiction brought on by overuse of dangerous substances.

Kids are NOT capable of understanding what Hillary called, "one and done" her introduction to heroin. She said the first time can, and usually does, get you hooked. What your 'friends' that supply it for you don't tell you, is chances are pretty good that you will spend the remainder of our time chasing that first time feeling that never comes again. When you realize that it isn't coming, it is already too late and now you chase not being sick, you chase not feeling withdrawal and you chase whatever you have to just to survive.

This is what our kids need to be taught, most don't run straight to heroin but too many eventually end up there.

Just say no will not work for every kid, DARE is great but the reality is it will not work for every kid, nothing will.

Tell your kids the truth,
do your homework,
knowledge is power!
Model positive behavior.
We all screw up as parents
in one way or another
sharing that with your children
makes you human.

You've heard it before and I will say it again,
if it can happen to me and my family
it can happen to yours.

Animal House
glorifying OUT OF CONTROL partying 
is portrayed in the media 
and sometimes in our homes as okay,
normal behavior
and the best way to have a good time.

Set boundaries for yourself and for your kids
surrounding partying.
Illicit drugs should never be okay!
Alcohol with boundaries is not only okay
but shows our kids that you can behave
responsibly with a controlled substance.
The key word there, being controlled.

I didn't have much self control
as an adolescent, and I paid the price in more
ways then I will share here today.

Most adolescents will escape the throws of
addiction; however the numbers do not lie.
Young adults facing addiction fill our streets
our homeless centers, rehabs and the homes of family members.
Sadly, those numbers continue to rise.
Please be honest, be straightforward,
share the cold hard facts and
by all means possible help them to see the difference
between sharing beverages with friends
and out of control partying.

Kids don't need you to be perfect;
they need you to be real.

Together we can make a difference,
we already have.

Peace, k

Monday, August 6, 2018


The game of golf in comparison to life 

How we play games and face life are affected by our strengths and weaknesses. By analyzing these qualities it can bring insight to how we choose to manage a 'bad shot'. What we feel like when we take a shot is not necessarily what it looks like to others or what we would see if we could see ourselves from the outside looking in.

I know very little about golf, although I am trying to figure it out. Here's what I know: people facing addiction are often misunderstood similar to the perception of golf. Those who haven't experienced addiction can be quick to say, 'just stop using; how hard could it be' and those who have never played golf could say something similar.

The key value I have learned in the years that my family and I have faced this disease is that there is nothing easy about recovery.

Here's the golf analogy 

Sincere apologies for my snap judgement on the game that is a lot harder than it looks. Until recently I thought golf was easy because I didn't know any better. I thought, how hard could it be; grab a club hit the ball, a great easy way to gather with friends on a nice day. I was wrong. This is what I have learned.

You need: 
The right club, the right fit for you.
The right conditions, weather plays a role.
The right stance.
The right ball.
The right perspective.
The proper balance.
The right swing.
The proper placement of your arms, legs, hands,
feet; your whole body has to be in perfect alignment.
The list goes on, however I think you get the point.

Not easy, for sure.

Now let's say that the universe aligns and you have worked 
on every single aspect of your game.
Most of the time you are pretty pleased with the outcome.

In comes the bad day...……………now what?

Back to basics, It is much easier said than done
than to create the proper conditions for the 
universe to align enough to give your best game 
every single day.

When we fall short we have reasons;
I was off, just didn't have it in me today,
that's what I've always done, 
old habits are hard to break, or my personal favorite
rather than accept the hard day as a moment in time 
I beat the crap out of myself for falling short.
Sound familiar?

Golf is a game, addiction is not.
Please know I am not comparing the challenges 
faced by a having a disease and playing a game, however
for me, I learn by comparing things that occur in every day life
to things that hold more weight.

Side note:
My higher power is God through Jesus.
Jesus was a great guy who loved everyone.
Jesus used analogy to help everyday
people understand the love of God and 
that makes complete sense to me.
For me, it makes it easier when I can relate 
to something in my everyday life.

Ed the inspiration for this post

Here is my golf strategy (although not qualified)
*Find your balance
*Choose the proper club for the job and let the club do it,
that is what the club is for
*Take it slow, breathe
*Focus and believe, be positive
*Do not let your past control your present
*Let go of past mistakes, they do not serve your goal
*Remember this is not easy
*break it down (it's hard to fix everything at once)
*take a step back, look at the big picture 
and take the small steps it will take to change
*Be proud of what it takes to stand at the tee
(not everyone can, myself included)

Take your shot!
It is yours for the taking;
make it your best, whatever your best is for that moment.

You may not land on the green,
you may hit a tree, land in the rough,
the water or the sand; but you took the shot.

Daily affirmation
I got this
I give my best every time
I know what I need to do
and I have what it takes to succeed.
On the fairway or in the weeds
I am grateful for every shot I take
because they are mine.

Most importantly;
Good day, bad day and every day in between
Just as golf is not who you are;
Addiction is not who you are
No individual thing is what makes us who we are.
What makes us who we are is the 
Divine love that comes to us through 
the universal Power of all that is right and good
and wants us to succeed and be our best selves
on every given day.
Be open to receiving the Power and know
that you are loved and cherished by those
that understand, life is hard, healing is hard,
no one chooses this disease and 
with love there can be healing and success.

peace and love from me to you
~hugs k