Friday, December 16, 2016

circles of life, those we have lost are never truly gone

Circles are my favorite.
There is something about the fact that
it continues on and on without end.

I also love that for me,
if you are inside the circle
you are protected from what it outside of it.

I wear a pendant on a chain around my neck
that holds Ben's ashes.
that chain also holds a circle.

Many folks have asked me if it is this or that,
and my response is always the same.
No, it is simply a circle and I love circles.

The circle I wear, represents the never-ending bond
we have with those that have left this life before us.

Although there are many that left this life
sooner than I would have liked,
and there are many that no matter how long they are here
it will never be long enough;
my relationship with them has not ended.
The circle continues on in my heart and in my soul.
I FEEL them when I am reminded by a photo,
a shared story,
a sign or message I believe they have left for me.

I recently had a patient, a widower, who at 98 years old
said, "the older I get the more uncertain I am that there is an afterlife".
I generally do not share my religious beliefs unless I am asked,
however, it was easy to share my spiritual belief.
I told him that for me our energy if this life
is WAY too strong to simply no longer exist.
Your body is only the vessel that houses that energy.
He told me he liked that idea.
I asked him if it would give him comfort knowing
that his spirit would live on and he could be with
the spirit of his wife again.
He said yes, I reminded him that he could choose
what beliefs he wanted to hold onto.
He smiled and said, thank you I like that idea.

We all have choices and believe variations of
The choice is yours
For me, I see Ben's presence in our lives just as much today
as it was on this day two years ago when he was still
within the circle of this life.
Sometimes the sadness places a shroud of tears over my eyes,
however they are dried by a hawk, a penny from heaven, a photograph,
a Giants jersey, a smile from the boys who share a part of that spirit, the list goes on.
It is a circle.
This pouch was a gift from a patient who made yo-yo quilts,
they are made out of circles. She had one on her bed and as I admired it,
I told her that I too loved circles
and that it was beautiful. The next day she gave me this and said
I want you to have this because you love circles.
I will not explain the significance of all the varied circles on this pouch,
however suffice it to say that it is one of my most treasured possessions.

For those who have lost a loved one
know that you too can share this belief.
I am sharing it because it gives me some peace and comfort
and my prayer is that it will do the same for you.

I am proud to share my circle with all of you
and I am honored to be a part of yours

Peace be with you

Thursday, December 15, 2016

begin again

The more I try to find peace the more I see the chaos that can make it hard to find.

I have always wanted to meditate and be good at it because my understanding is that
it truly brings peace to those that have found a way to master it.

I give up a lot and tell myself my mind simply can not do it.
I am like a dog in a park, too many things to see to stay focused.

until now

I finally found a teacher (from a book I listened to) that said MOST folks who try something hard have to practice often to receive the benefit.

You may already know this, however it did not sink in with me until a couple of days ago.

The way to get where you want to be is 'begin again'!
and again and again.......................................................

I have also always struggled with my weight, even at my slimmest
it was never easy to maintain a safe weight.

Everything I wanted to do I would say:
I'll start tomorrow or
I'll start on Monday or
that will be my New Years Resolution
always another time, not now.

Back to meditation
My practice now is whenever I begin
and my mind drifts off
I do not quit
I begin again
right at that very moment.
when I drift again,
and I will
I begin again and I
continue to begin again
and I am finding that focusing on
beginning again and again helps
until I have began again for long enough
to have received the benefit of my efforts

It is working, I also try to either listen to a
repetitive chant/ song
or I say my mantra of choice which is,

Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me.

It is working, I tell myself I can do it
and I begin again and again and again...........

The prayer that I send to you today
is that you truly feel the loving energy that I and all
the other folks out there send out to you
for healing.
I took this photo at Elizabeth Park in West Hartford.
This photo brings me joy because it reminds me of simpler
times when I would skate on this pond as a child. You could only get to
the island in the center when it was frozen. It was a thrill for me to
be somewhere that most of the time was out of my reach.

May you find peace and comfort
in your life through
giving and receiving
positive energy
and if that
peace eludes you
begin again,
begin again,
and begin again!

I love you from the place in my soul
that knows no boundaries

Monday, December 12, 2016

Request stones

The holiday season can be even more challenging for families affected by addiction.
If you or someone you loves needs stones
and a little extra loving energy,
please reach out.

they can be sent anywhere, anytime.
As always there is never a cost,

the latest batch of stones
I only ask that however you are able
please consider sending your prayers
of love and support out
to those we love.

If you have an idea of a word,
simple image
or phrase
let me know and I will add it to the
next batch.

With love
and prayers for peace in your
heart and soul

xoxo Kristyn

Saturday, December 10, 2016


Saturday December 10th 2016

5:30 am wake up get out of bed brew a pot of coffee
5:40 am start working on a project for Cameron listening to a spiritual book on my phone
6:25 am start thinking the sun will come up soon
6:30 am think about the man I spoke to that said it IS getting lighter earlier
6:35 am think about Bert asking me where a great place to see the sunrise is
6:37 am think about the overlook across from Elizabeth park in Hartford
6:39 am check the weather channel app and see the sun rises at 7:07 am and it is a clear morning
6:40 am wake up Bert, say get dressed and lets go!
6:45 am on our way

7:07 am enjoy a glorious sunrise with my son

Click on the photo, enlarge and zoom in on the center of the cloud
There's the bird that seems to find it's way into our pics.
especially on special days!
In a half hours time this morning I chose to feed my soul, that choice set the tone for my entire day.

The idea is at any given moment you can make the choice to do something that changes everything.

I feed my soul by thinking, believing, and doing things for myself and others.
The joy I feel at these moments is indescribable.

There was no cost, however that moment in time was priceless.

My prayer for you for today is
that you find a simple way 
to take a deep breath,
and feed your soul.

Let true joy enter your heart & mind

much love, Kristyn

Friday, December 9, 2016

Creating a world you want to live in

A friend shared the idea with me
'Create the world you want to live in'

Over the past week or so I have been trying harder to
create that world.

The only person I can change is me,
the only person I can control is me,
 I am the person who thinks and feels what I tell myself.

Saying 'you made me feel bad, or you made me react that way'
is ultimately not 'you'. It is me.

I choose what I choose.
At times I make good choices and at times I don't.

When someone else makes 'their' choice
and that choice affects me, I choose how I will respond.

Back to this week,
I am choosing to live in a world where
love prevails.
I am choosing to live in a world where
hope prevails.
I am choosing to live in  a world where
kindness prevails.
I am choosing to try every day to create
the world I want to live in.

It is hard to try new things, it is also totally worth it!

Living in someone else's world where
unhappiness prevails is not the choice I
choose to make.

I will not leave behind those that are unhappy,
I will invite them to join me in trying
to move towards peace.

Everyone moves at their own pace
that is freedom.
for me, freedom lies where I can
fall down along my path that is treacherous at times,
and get right back up.

I asked myself, "where do you want to live?"
if the world you live in is NOT where you want to,
MOVE, if you need help moving, ask a friend.

I am a friend as are many others who are part of our community
that shares peace and comfort with others.

There are 'friends' out there who will help you move
even, the 'heavy' stuff.

Much love today and always
your friend, Kristyn

Friday, December 2, 2016

thought for the day

Merciful divine spirit
full of grace

Change is difficult
and at times it is hard
to find the strength
to face another day.

Pour out your compassion over me
so that I may see in myself
what you see in me.

Wash away the regret
and loneliness that my
fear of change has created in me,
and replace it with trust
in your love
so that I may face change
with a renewed spirit.

In the name of all that was, is and will be
the act of kindness
from you, to me
all the days of my life.

thank you and amen

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Most powerful wireless connection

I have come to realize that I do not find the signs,
the signs find me.

Today, most people are looking for
the fastest wireless connection.

Companies advertise how theirs is
the latest and greatest.

They are not.
Prayer has been, is and will always be
the fastest and the greatest connection
known to humankind, and it's

There have been
thousands and thousands
of views of this site and
hundreds of stones given out
which adds up to
an incredible community of support
that grows every day
for all of us.

My prayer practice is not planned out.
Every time our community pops into my head
(which is many times throughout each day)
I pray, my prayers vary in the thought
although they never vary in the power
with which I send them out to you.

Many folks have shared that their prayers
include our ministry daily as well.

Open your mind,
Listen for the prayer......
When SOS pops into your mind
that IS spirit letting you know
that we are all with you.

We share with you;
Our love, our kindness, our compassion,
our sorrow in your frustration and loss,
and our joy in your triumphs.

May you feel that power
hovering over you
today and always

Peace be with you,

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

A matter of time

Mindfulness means
focusing on being present,
embracing where you are
at any given moment.

Not looking back,
not looking forward.
Simply focusing on exactly
where you are.

When the past is too much
to bear &
and the future seems
so far away.

Focus your attention on
right now.

Most people do not experience
peace in their lives
at all times.
Learning to find as much peace
as possible takes practice.

I found this tiny little leaf (1/2" at best)
laying right there on my path
waiting to be found, right when I needed it most

Peace is something that
can grow within you.
Outside sources may give
you instant gratification,
however, that feeling goes away
as quickly as it comes.

True peace is finding a place
of comfort and security
within yourself, without the
need for something outside.

Take a deep breath and believe
that one moment can change
anything and everything.

If at first you don't succeed
try and try again.

Yesterday is gone
tomorrow will be here
before you know it.
This very moment is all you
really have control over.

Choose the path toward
happiness & peace
you may see a 'little' love
waiting just for you
just for today.

Begin today & end todayknowing you ARE loved
and prayed for
right now!


Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The light came before the light

Biblically speaking
on the first day God created light.

God saw the light was good
and separated the light from the darkness

It was not until the 4th day
that God created
the sun, moon and stars
(the physical lights)

The mystical light of the first day
is within us all.
We all have the ability to
let our light shine.

Most faith traditions
reference a kind of "light"
within us, it is the goodness that
the divine places in all of us all
on the day of our birth.

In some it is buried deep under darkness,
however, I believe it is there....
waiting to be lit and rise to the surface.

Today and always look to the light,
it is there, for you and for me
and for all who believe
in the light which is
& compassion

Let your light shine for
the peace
it provides you,
the peace
it provides others
and the peace
it puts into the universe

Darkness will not prevail,
never has,
never will

Heavenly light,
I thank you for shining
the warmth of your love
on me and all creation.
Help us to store that light
within our souls
so that we may embrace it
and share it with others.



Sunday, November 6, 2016

It is not your problem, until it is YOUR problem.

Hello everyone, 

Below are the number of residents who died of overdoses in the first half of 2016:
  • Andover: 0
  • Ansonia: 4
  • Ashford: 0
  • Avon: 1
  • Barkhamsted: 0
  • Beacon Falls: 1
  • Berlin: 2
  • Bethany: 0
  • Bethel: 2
  • Bethlehem: 0
  • Bloomfield: 0
  • Bolton: 0
  • Bozrah: 0
  • Branford: 4
  • Bridgeport: 21
  • Bridgewater: 0
  • Bristol: 13
  • Brookfield: 1
  • Brooklyn: 0
  • Burlington: 0
  • Canaan: 0
  • Canterbury: 0
  • Canton: 0
  • Chaplin: 1
  • Cheshire: 0
  • Chester: 0
  • Clinton: 2
  • Colchester: 1
  • Colebrook: 0
  • Columbia: 1
  • Cornwall: 0
  • Coventry: 1
  • Cromwell: 0
  • Danbury: 9
  • Darien: 2
  • Deep River: 1
  • Derby: 3
  • Durham: 0
  • East Granby: 0
  • East Haddam: 1
  • East Hampton: 2
  • East Hartford: 3
  • East Haven: 3
  • East Lyme: 0
  • East Windsor: 2
  • Eastford: 0
  • Easton: 0
  • Ellington: 1
  • Enfield: 4
  • Essex: 0
  • Fairfield: 2
  • Farmington: 5
  • Franklin: 0
  • Glastonbury: 1
  • Goshen: 0
  • Granby: 2
  • Greenwich: 2
  • Griswold: 3
  • Groton: 3
  • Guilford: 1
  • Haddam: 1
  • Hamden: 6
  • Hampton: 0
  • Hartford: 28
  • Hartland: 0
  • Harwinton: 1
  • Hebron: 2
  • Kent: 0
  • Killingly: 0
  • Killingworth: 0
  • Lebanon: 0
  • Ledyard: 1
  • Lisbon: 0
  • Litchfield: 0
  • Lyme: 0
  • Madison: 2
  • Manchester: 9
  • Mansfield: 2
  • Marlborough: 2
  • Meriden: 15
  • Middlebury: 0
  • Middlefield: 1
  • Middletown: 2
  • Milford: 5
  • Monroe: 4
  • Montville: 1
  • Morris: 0
  • Naugatuck: 4
  • New Britain: 18
  • New Canaan: 0
  • New Fairfield: 2
  • New Hartford: 0
  • New Haven: 22
  • New London: 6
  • New Milford: 1
  • Newington: 1
  • Newtown: 3
  • Norfolk: 0
  • North Branford: 2
  • North Canaan: 2
  • North Haven: 1
  • North Stonington: 0
  • Norwalk: 5
  • Norwich: 13
  • Old Lyme: 0
  • Old Saybrook: 2
  • Orange: 0
  • Oxford: 3
  • Plainfield: 0
  • Plainville: 3
  • Plymouth: 0
  • Pomfret: 0
  • Portland: 2
  • Preston: 0
  • Prospect: 1
  • Putnam: 0
  • Redding: 0
  • Ridgefield: 0
  • Rocky Hill: 0
  • Roxbury: 0
  • Salem: 0
  • Salisbury: 0
  • Scotland: 0
  • Seymour: 3
  • Sharon: 0
  • Shelton: 8
  • Sherman: 0
  • Simsbury: 1
  • Somers: 4
  • South Windsor: 1
  • Southbury: 0
  • Southington: 3
  • Sprague: 0
  • Stafford: 0
  • Stamford: 4
  • Sterling: 0
  • Stonington: 1
  • Stratford: 10
  • Suffield: 1
  • Thomaston: 1
  • Thompson: 0
  • Tolland: 1
  • Torrington: 5
  • Trumbull: 2
  • Union: 0
  • Vernon: 4
  • Voluntown: 0
  • Wallingford: 5
  • Warren: 0
  • Washington: 0
  • Waterbury: 21
  • Waterford: 1
  • Watertown: 2
  • West Hartford: 5
  • West Haven: 7
  • Westbrook: 1
  • Weston: 1
  • Westport: 1
  • Wethersfield: 3
  • Willington: 1
  • Wilton: 0
  • Winchester: 1
  • Windham: 2
  • Windsor: 2
  • Windsor Locks: 2
  • Wolcott: 0
  • Woodbridge: 1
  • Woodbury: 2
  • Woodstock: 0

These figures come from an article on an online town news page that was covering the heroin epidemic in our state. It is an increase from last year and expected to continue to rise. This is only through June and these are only the overdose deaths, this figure does not include the overdoses that survived or the thousands of folks who are actively using who could end up on this list at any time. The numbers are truly staggering and cause me an insurmountable amount of sadness.

When I found out Hillary was using heroin I said, "absolutely not, there is no way. Heroin is for the homeless and people who live in inner cities". "Regular people like us, don't do stuff like that."  I could not have been more wrong. Take a look at the list below and understand that these are your towns, your family and friends, same as they are mine. It is NOT your problem until it is YOUR problem.

I took care of my daughter, loved her more than life itself and it happened to her. I say "happened" because the initial choice to use the first time may have been hers, however the choices after that were made by the disease and unfortunately no one knows who suffers with the disease lying dormant until it is too late.

No ONE chooses a life that hurts for no reason, addiction is not fun and parties and getting high.  Addiction is pain, suffering and the need for the drug that becomes just as important as the NEED for breath and water.

                                            Another sign

I have experienced the loss caused by this disease in Ben and so many others I have met along this road and the gain in the continued recovery of my daughter.

If you are in the throws of addiction and reading this, know there are many who love you and know you are more than a number on s list.

If you are a loved one of someone who suffers with this disease, know there are many who love you too, you are most certainly NOT alone in your suffering.

May the spirit and energy
that is
and compassionate
in this world
bring you healing and peace
today and always

XOX Kristyn

Friday, October 14, 2016

Lincoln turned 1 yesterday!

Lincoln turned 1 yesterday!
Watching him grow
over the past year has been amazing.
The changes that occurred in that time
are nothing short of miraculous.
He is now a toddler that has
learned and grown into who he is today.
It was a year of tiny steps, literally
and figuratively.

Every step counts!
If we never fell and got back up
we would never learn to walk.

Take the first step,
what would you do if you knew
you would not fail?

Peace & love
for every step of the way

*Lin is just about ready to
take those first steps!
He is still a little scared to let go
however when he does,
watch out world (and Cameron) ;)

I will keep you posted

Wednesday, October 12, 2016


Sometimes it is......


Breathe in & breathe out

Peace be with you,

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Happy Birthday Ben

Today is Ben's birthday
Although we may not see him sitting at the table
to blow out his candles.
We will celebrate his life, with his children
Cameron & Lincoln and he will be present.

Everyone who loves Ben continues to see
signs of his love all around us and his spirit
lives on in the beautiful boys he created with Hillary.

We have a light in our dining room that
burns brightly all day and night
every day and night and has not gone out
since Ben left our home the day of his passing.
There is a plaque with the caption

"There are some who bring a light so great
into the world
that even after they have gone
the light remains"

Ben is and always will be a light that burns
brightly in our hearts and in our home.
We will continue to honor his life and light
by sharing the love he shared with all of us.

Please join me in celebrating Ben's life and
the lives of all those that have left a light
burning on our hearts.

May we all find peace in knowing
the light remains!

In love, Kristyn

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Hope, (my favorite feeling)

I love signs!
When I came across this one
I knew it would be one of my favorites

It is also the new home
for the beautiful angel I
received as a gift

                                           Have faith
                                           Open your mind
                                           Peace will come


Saturday, October 1, 2016

The straw that broke the camels back (my apology to my family)

This one is another "keeping it real" post.

Today I lost it, I lost everything.
I lost my will to go on,
I lost my patience,
I lost my kindness,
altogether, I lost my mind!

For me, it was simply banging my knee that had
the ability to push me over the edge into a pit
that held nothing but despair, anger, frustration, and sadness.

It really was not about banging my knee.
It was the final straw that ultimately
"broke the camels back"

Not sure if any of you remember this game
the idea is you pile straws on the camels back
until eventually the camel simply can't withstand the weight
and it's back breaks.

If you are reading this blog on a regular basis,
I believe there is a pretty good chance
that having someone you love who suffers
with addiction is probably only one of the straws that
you try ever so hard to keep on your back.
Some days are simply too hard to face.
Most of us try to keep the peace and be strong.

Today I was not.
I made poor choices in how I handled
"the last straw"

I lost my shit
and had a fit of rage
and simply gave up.

It does not end there,
I may have lost the battle,
however I have not lost the war.

I retreated to my room,
I cried,
I screamed,
I prayed,
I felt sorry for myself,
and I slept.
It is amazing how good old fashioned sleep
can change things.

I am not okay,
although I am ready to face another day.

I will shift the load on my back
I will ask for forgiveness,
and I will start another day
knowing that I love
with my whole heart and
I do my very best to offer kindness
to my family and beyond
each and every day

For caregivers
You are not alone,
we are a team.
I hold you in my heart
for today and for always.

For those that suffer with addiction
cut your caregivers some slack
they love you and
would give up everything for you

For those that don't have caregivers
you are in my heart and soul
and you are loved by me,
It may not be a lot
but it's something important.

may peace be with you, and with me!

Change needs Change

Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless an external force acts upon it. Similarly, if the object is at rest, it will remain at rest unless an unbalanced force acts upon it. Newton's First Law of Motion is also known as the Law of Inertia.

Ask yourself these questions.
Who, what, when, where, why and how
did you get where you are.

Has any of these things changed
to get you where you want to be?

The decision is yours, if there is
no force that modifies the path,
the path WILL stay exactly the same.

This idea is true for both the people
who suffer with addiction and its effects;
and the people who absolutely adore them
more than anything else in the world.

We must be
the change
we wish to see
in the world 
-Mahatma Gandhi

Change can be scary
change can be hard
change can be well worth
the fear and the effort

My love and support for all who face change
for better or for worse in unending.
There is NO FORCE that
will change that

with prayers for peace