Saturday, October 1, 2016

The straw that broke the camels back (my apology to my family)

This one is another "keeping it real" post.

Today I lost it, I lost everything.
I lost my will to go on,
I lost my patience,
I lost my kindness,
altogether, I lost my mind!

For me, it was simply banging my knee that had
the ability to push me over the edge into a pit
that held nothing but despair, anger, frustration, and sadness.

It really was not about banging my knee.
It was the final straw that ultimately
"broke the camels back"

Not sure if any of you remember this game
the idea is you pile straws on the camels back
until eventually the camel simply can't withstand the weight
and it's back breaks.

If you are reading this blog on a regular basis,
I believe there is a pretty good chance
that having someone you love who suffers
with addiction is probably only one of the straws that
you try ever so hard to keep on your back.
Some days are simply too hard to face.
Most of us try to keep the peace and be strong.

Today I was not.
I made poor choices in how I handled
"the last straw"

I lost my shit
and had a fit of rage
and simply gave up.

It does not end there,
I may have lost the battle,
however I have not lost the war.

I retreated to my room,
I cried,
I screamed,
I prayed,
I felt sorry for myself,
and I slept.
It is amazing how good old fashioned sleep
can change things.

I am not okay,
although I am ready to face another day.

I will shift the load on my back
I will ask for forgiveness,
and I will start another day
knowing that I love
with my whole heart and
I do my very best to offer kindness
to my family and beyond
each and every day

For caregivers
You are not alone,
we are a team.
I hold you in my heart
for today and for always.

For those that suffer with addiction
cut your caregivers some slack
they love you and
would give up everything for you

For those that don't have caregivers
you are in my heart and soul
and you are loved by me,
It may not be a lot
but it's something important.

may peace be with you, and with me!


  1. Yes - I remember the game. Then suddenly it's not a game anymore - Sorry :(
    Prayers going out for strength and peace dear friend - PS

  2. Yes - I remember the game. Then suddenly it's not a game anymore - Sorry :(
    Prayers going out for strength and peace dear friend. - PS


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