Wednesday, September 27, 2017

3 C's


It may not be easy.......
however it will be worth it!

Prayers for courage to take that chance
much love, k

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Do you want a gift?

I have a gift.

I want to give this gift to you.

It is a gift that will
keep giving.

I promise this gift 
will change your life.

Many years ago,
I received this gift.

I loved it, until I didn't. 

Then I received the gift again,
I remembered how much I loved it
and that time I kept it a little longer.

I lost the gift.

I received the gift again,
this time I promised myself
I would not lose it.

I broke the gift, smashed it,
by accident.

This went on
for years and years.

I received the gift again,
just the other day.

Today I still have the gift,
it is the gift of 

I am so very careful with this gift
because I know that when
I misplace it, I am truly miserable.

Sometimes I let myself forget
and I set it down.
I realize pretty quickly and pick it up
as fast as I possibly can.
Gratitude is most certainly the best gift 
I have ever or will ever receive
and this is why.

The day I learned Hillary was addicted to heroin, I was not grateful at all to say the least. Now I look back and I realize that she had to go through what she went through to be the incredibly strong, courageous, loving, and compassionate person she is today. Her struggles taught her more than any teacher ever could have. When Ben left this life, he left two lives in his place. Those lives have given so many people more love in their hearts than could possibly be imagined. Cameron and Lincoln are two of the best gifts I have ever received and have filled my heart with so much love and that love shines through them toward others.

Addiction and death do not look like gifts, the effects left behind by those gifts are worth more than all the money in the world.

Believe me when I say, addiction and death aren't the gifts you want to open. I truly despised those 'gifts' and would have returned them immediately, but I couldn't. It wasn't in my power to do so.

Here's the thing.......there is a gift in every single moment of every single day. When you receive a gift that you despise and want to return, set it down. Put it aside and look for one of the gifts that you cherish, pick it up and focus on that gift. 

When some time has passed, take a look at that gift again and see if there is something to be grateful for, if not choose a different one. Keep doing this until you can pick up the unwanted gift, hold it in your hands, and receive what it has to offer your heart and spirit.

Some gifts suck at the time we receive it, there is no way to sugar coat that.

My gifts that sucked, I now treasure. Hillary was a royal pain in a butt for most of her adolescence, ultimately allowing her predisposition to addiction to surface. Addiction has given me the daughter that I can say with the utmost pride, is in recovery working it daily in spite of the challenges she faces and living a life she never would have had all because she met Ben.
If Hillary were not at the sober house in between treatments, she would not have met Ben. If she had not met Ben, me and my family would not have had the privilege of sharing the joy he brought into our lives and the family, his family, that are now our family. Cameron and Lincoln his love incarnate, period. Ben's death from this life, that is a gift I still have not truly accepted as a gift. There will always be days that I set that one down, and step away. Then I see all that he does for me and our families from  beyond and I start to be grateful again. . Ben watches over all of us as a guiding force, son, brother, fiancĂ©, father and friend. I believe that I will not truly receive the full gift of Ben's passing until we meet again and we will, of that I have no doubt.

Funny story; Hillary and I are visiting the other day and sharing how Lincoln, who is a little man of few words calls almost everything 'daddy'. He very clearly states 'daddy' when you ask him "what's that'? Be it a me, Hill, an animal, and so many other things and we laughed thinking that would totally be a 'Ben move' to make his sense of humor and presents (intentionally spelled that wrong) known. Whispering in Lin's ear 'that's daddy' and laughing at all of us. A gift, yup, most certainly!

The people I have met, the places I have been and the love and support I have received by being a member of the family of folks that suffer with addiction or care about those that do has been another one of my greatest gifts. We are stronger than we could've imagined and we will continue to stand up, raise our voices in prayers of hope and healing and continue the ministry of healing for every person who is still here fighting the battle of their lives until we ourselves meet those that are waiting beyond our physical borders to welcome us home.

So........when you receive a gift that you simply don't want, wait...... it may have been a gift that has yet to be fulfilled.

One last thing, When someone you love receives 'a gift' it can be very hard to be patient. Waiting for them to see that they have other gifts they should be grateful for can be pretty frustrating. The recovery process takes time and everyone has to open their own gifts in their own time. Say a prayer with the power and force of healing energy and send it in their direction so they might feel the gratitude you have for the gift of them and one day their 'gift' will be the gift of you.

Thank you for the gift of you,
and may the spirit of love and gratitude
be with you all
today and always!

peace and love k

Monday, September 18, 2017


Good morning
At first glance this looks like
a huge scary spider

A lot of folks are deathly afraid
of spiders.

The reality is that most folks
have not been attacked by spiders.
Most folks that have this fear
have never even taken a moment 
to try to understand why most spiders 
are really quite helpful 
and want nothing more than 
to live out there lives the best way they can
no different than most humans.

They control pests;
devouring disease carrying mosquitos and
removing unwanted parasitic bugs
from crops.
Their silk is one of the strongest
natural materials, has been and is studied 
for medical and engineering purposes.
The list goes on.

Many cultures have used spider symbolism to teach.
Spiders weave intricate webs,
our choices weave our web of life.
Spiders have to be patient,
they spend their entire life weaving and waiting.
They are creative and have to use many 
different things within their environment
to support their webs.

My favorite:
They persevere. 
They create a beautiful web to live in,
it gets destroyed, and they go right back to
creating another sometimes even more beautiful one.
They never give up.

This is why everyone who is affected by 
addiction in some way could take a lesson from
our friends the spiders.

Sometimes spiders can and do hurt us,
most of the time we can and do survive the 'bite'.
Care and forgiveness is important.

Spiders can be misunderstood, just like us.

Some people fear spiders, just like some people fear us.

We can learn something from spiders and
we have a lot to teach others.

Spiders have to be patient & wait and we do too.

when we get knocked down or
our web of life is torn apart
we must not give up.

The Divine Creator
breathed life into us and the spiders,
all creatures great and small
have a purpose.

Next time you see a spider
in your web of life and are afraid,
look closely for the beauty and perseverance 
that lies within him/her.
Take a deep breath, let it live......
and maybe, just maybe
set it free.

Peace be with you & all creatures great and small
The Lord our God loves us all!!! k

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Labyrinth First Church West Hartford Center

The labyrinth in the front yard of First Church in West Hartford Center is well maintained, it has to be. At first glance it appears only to be there for appearances however, when you step closer you see that it can be traveled. If the narrow path were not lovingly cared for often it would be almost impossible to see, let alone stay on and it would be easy to lose your way.

Walking the labyrinth
Stand at the entrance and look,
see the center and envision yourself arriving there.
You will need to take small steps, they are the safest.
Steps that are too big can bring you further
then you are ready for and take you off the path.
Watch where you are going and look for anything
that may throw you off course; avoid those things.
Step over anything that does not keep you on course,
or wait until it has left your path before moving forward.
See where you are going and how far you have come.
Know where you have been and remember the path is
only wide enough to put one foot in front of the other.
My husband, Pete walked with me and at times
we came to a place where we got into each others way
and had to stop, think, and know that we could
not go through each other. One of us had to go
first to stay out of each others way.
It is hard to stay on course when there are
others who appear to be blocking you.
It took a while and we made it
to the center because we believed
we could....we did.

At the Center look back at the path
you have traveled and know that it was your
path. Any stumbling, waiting, and misstep
ultimately brought you to where you are.
Now, take all that you learned from
your journey with you as you
walk out of the labyrinth the same way
you came in. Trust yourself and your ability
to step over or wait in an area that was difficult 
on the way in. Eventually you will get back to where 
you were when you entered. 

Stand at the entrance and say thank you
to the labyrinth for showing you the way.
Say thank you for the journey and say thank you
to yourself that although you may have stumbled,
you believed you you did.

Divine creator of the
circles of life,
I give you thanks for showing
me that there is no beginning,
and no end.

There are only circles.
What appears to be death,
opens my soul to a new life.

What is old can become new,
stumbling can become a lesson,
fear can become success,
hate can become love,
and pain can become peace.
I ask that you continue to be with me
and all that travel the winding path of life
that offers new beginnings
with each and every step.


Peace be with you, k