Do you want a gift?

I have a gift.

I want to give this gift to you.

It is a gift that will

keep giving.

I promise this gift 

will change your life.

Many years ago,

I received this gift.

I loved it, until I didn't. 

Then I received the gift again,

I remembered how much I loved it

and that time I kept it a little longer.

I lost the gift.

I received the gift again,

this time I promised myself

I would not lose it.

I broke the gift, smashed it,

by accident.

This went on

for years and years.

I received the gift again,

just the other day.

Today I still have the gift,

it is the gift of 

Thankfulness!

I am so very careful with this gift

because I know that when

I misplace it, I am truly miserable.

Sometimes I let myself forget

and I set it down.

I realize pretty quickly and pick it up

as fast as I possibly can.

Gratitude is most certainly the best gift 

I have ever or will ever receive

and this is why.

The day I learned Hillary was addicted to heroin, I was not grateful at all to say the least. Now I look back and I realize that she had to go through what she went through to be the incredibly strong, courageous, loving, and compassionate person she is today. Her struggles taught her more than any teacher ever could have. When Ben left this life, he left two lives in his place. Those lives have given so many people more love in their hearts than could possibly be imagined. Cameron and Lincoln are two of the best gifts I have ever received and have filled my heart with so much love and that love shines through them toward others.

Addiction and death do not look like gifts, the effects left behind by those gifts are worth more than all the money in the world.

Believe me when I say, addiction and death aren't the gifts you want to open. I truly despised those 'gifts' and would have returned them immediately, but I couldn't. It wasn't in my power to do so.

Here's the thing.......there is a gift in every single moment of every single day. When you receive a gift that you despise and want to return, set it down. Put it aside and look for one of the gifts that you cherish, pick it up and focus on that gift. 

When some time has passed, take a look at that gift again and see if there is something to be grateful for, if not choose a different one. Keep doing this until you can pick up the unwanted gift, hold it in your hands, and receive what it has to offer your heart and spirit.

Some gifts suck at the time we receive it, there is no way to sugar coat that.

My gifts that sucked, I now treasure. Hillary was a royal pain in a butt for most of her adolescence, ultimately allowing her predisposition to addiction to surface. Addiction has given me the daughter that I can say with the utmost pride, is in recovery working it daily in spite of the challenges she faces and living a life she never would have had all because she met Ben.

If Hillary were not at the sober house in between treatments, she would not have met Ben. If she had not met Ben, me and my family would not have had the privilege of sharing the joy he brought into our lives and the family, his family, that are now our family. Cameron and Lincoln his love incarnate, period. Ben's death from this life, that is a gift I still have not truly accepted as a gift. There will always be days that I set that one down, and step away. Then I see all that he does for me and our families from  beyond and I start to be grateful again. . Ben watches over all of us as a guiding force, son, brother, fiancé, father and friend. I believe that I will not truly receive the full gift of Ben's passing until we meet again and we will, of that I have no doubt.

Funny story; Hillary and I are visiting the other day and sharing how Lincoln, who is a little man of few words calls almost everything 'daddy'. He very clearly states 'daddy' when you ask him "what's that'? Be it a me, Hill, an animal, and so many other things and we laughed thinking that would totally be a 'Ben move' to make his sense of humor and presents (intentionally spelled that wrong) known. Whispering in Lin's ear 'that's daddy' and laughing at all of us. A gift, yup, most certainly!

The people I have met, the places I have been and the love and support I have received by being a member of the family of folks that suffer with addiction or care about those that do has been another one of my greatest gifts. We are stronger than we could've imagined and we will continue to stand up, raise our voices in prayers of hope and healing and continue the ministry of healing for every person who is still here fighting the battle of their lives until we ourselves meet those that are waiting beyond our physical borders to welcome us home.

So........when you receive a gift that you simply don't want, wait...... it may have been a gift that has yet to be fulfilled.

One last thing, When someone you love receives 'a gift' it can be very hard to be patient. Waiting for them to see that they have other gifts they should be grateful for can be pretty frustrating. The recovery process takes time and everyone has to open their own gifts in their own time. Say a prayer with the power and force of healing energy and send it in their direction so they might feel the gratitude you have for the gift of them and one day their 'gift' will be the gift of you.

Thank you for the gift of you,
and may the spirit of love and gratitude
be with you all
today and always!

peace and love k