I wasn't ready.....Four years later!

I wasn't ready!
Yesterday marked the 4th anniversary of the day Ben left this life. This year, I wasn't ready. I couldn't wrap my head around how four years had passed. The loss is still so great and the pain for those that loved him hasn't stopped. 

So much has happened since that day and so much happened before that day that led up to his overdose...

What I have learned is, I would never be ready to accept an ending. This is why I always say he left this life for the next because I simply cannot accept that his life stopped.

Addiction is NOT a choice!
Facing addiction, either yourself or through someone you love has many choices.

Yesterday I wanted to stop; as I have over the many years since this journey began with Hillary. Today I cried to Ed, saying I’m pissed off; sick and tired that I can’t turn on the tv, the computer, the radio or walk out my front door without being faced with the pain and suffering that addiction causes for those affected by it. I want to close my eyes and make it all go away because it hurts!!!!! The fear, the worry, the anger, the sadness and frustration....

Then I took a breath and I continued to write this. I go on because I know that when I first learned of Hillary’s addiction it was a quiet disease spoken in hushed settings. The stigma was so great that people were afraid to get help or speak out.

Then it happened, I realized that everything we do everyday as a family facing this dreaded disease makes a difference. What I say and do and what you say and do effects change. It has helped to pull this disease out of the shadows and put it on the tv, the computer, the radio and billboards on the side of the road! This is why we stand together and speak up. Collectively our ripple effect does make a difference. A difference for all the Ben's and Hillary’s out there who need to hear the voice of love speaking directly to them.

So I will not stop, I will never stop. I will keep on keeping on because we are worth it, every single one of us who lives to fight another day toward the eradication of this devastating epidemic.

There are no words to express my heartfelt gratitude to all of you who have been on this journey with my family who are now part of my family.

These stones are available as well as many others;

please reach out we are happy to send them!

The main task of the semicolon is to mark a break that is stronger than a comma but not as final as a full stop.

Addiction can feel like the end, it doesn't have to be!

It is strong, you can be stronger!

You can choose to go on.

You can choose change and keep on choosing...……

When you have the choice to stop.....

stop loving yourself,

stop believing in recovery,

stop believing in a life after the pain,

stop believing in relationships that can be healed

and stop having hope, Don't!

Please don't!

I beg you, the world needs you and

the world needs people who believe in you

to keep on believing.

These stones were painted to remind us all 

the break will not stop us; we will

keep the fight alive!

post note:

This evening as I was finishing this message

I received an email that we lost yet another life to an overdose

 from our community on Wednesday.

I would ask that you take a moment to send 

healing love filled energy to his family

as they face the rough road ahead.

May peace, love and hope find a home 

within your spirit!

~hugs Kristyn Manemeit

with my inspiration and co-writer 

My husband Ed!