Your relationship with addiction

At an addiction conference I attended there was a discussion on how each person who suffers from addiction is in a relationship with what they are addicted to. If we look at the relationships in our lives, there are ones that we respect and honor and ones that tend to drain us of our energy. Which relationships would you rather have more of? I have never been addicted to illegal drugs or alcohol, however, I was a cigarette smoker for a very long time. I started as a teenager and over the years I have quit, relapsed, quit, relapsed and quit again. I thought I 'loved' smoking. It was relaxing for me, it was 'my time' it was my only 'vice' other than smoking I took pretty good care of myself.

 Here's where the trouble comes in; my relationship with smoking created problems in my life, my kids didn't like it and I told them 'don't ever smoke, it is terrible and can kill you', and yet there I was making excuses because I smoked. It costs a bloody fortune! The things I could have purchased and the places I could have gone over the years had I not been in that relationship I dare to even consider.  When I quit for the last time, (and this is the last time, I have realized that the relationship hurt me more than it helped me) cigarettes were just over $8.00 a pack; which at a pack a day adds up to $2920.00 over the course of a year. Over the course of that relationship that lasted 25 years the grand total comes out to be somewhere in the vicinity of 73,0000 dollars! WOW, that is a lot of money spent on something that could have killed me and I spent most of my time hiding from people because of the embarrassment I felt for making that choice.  Please know that if you are a smoker, this is not intended to harass you or make you look bad or feel bad about yourself. I still miss smoking and face the cravings and wish there was a way I could justify it in my own life. For me, I had to stop but that was for me. In no way am I judging, as it used to piss me off when people would judge me.

I learned through many years of therapy that every choice we make in our lives has either a payoff or a consequence. For me, the consequences of smoking far outweighed the benefits which is why I was ready to make the choice to quit.

                     

Ben's memorial garden in full bloom thanks to a lot of TLC from Hillary and Cameron

If you are an addict reading this, I would ask you these questions; does your addiction offer you more joy, or discomfort on a daily basis? What is the cost to your wallet, your dignity and your health? If your mom, or daughter, was an addict, what would you tell her. Is your relationship with your addiction worth the ultimate cost of what you pay for it?

I learned from this conference and others I have attended recently that although I have been the parent of a daughter for 12 years that has struggled with what began as substance abuse back in middle school I have a lot to learn. I am a researcher and will try anything and everything to try to help those I love. Every time I think I have tried everything, I learn of a new treatment, or a new way to combat the disease, or a new resource that is out there that I wasn't aware of.

Please, I beg of you, even if you think you have tried everything and think you have failed, you haven't actually tried everything because every day there are new ideas and therapies being tried and are succeeding in offering a life that can be free of a relationship that hurts you more than helps.  Please reach out and keep looking for the one that will work for you.

I am reminded of a quote I first heard as a child;
If at first, you don't succeed, try and try again!

My heart believes that you are worth a life filled with relationships that build you up and help to strengthen you mind~body~soul

Much love today and always
Peace be with you
Kristyn