Friday, April 6, 2018

Hillary, the face of recovery

Recovery is possible, although
the statistics are overwhelming,
I am here to remind you that 

Hillary started using recreational drugs and drinking 
when she was in middle school.

I love my daughter and yet there was no amount of
love, punishment, counseling or effort on my part
that could have changed her course.
Believe me I tried.

Her sobriety had to come from within her, and it did!
She beat the odds
because she made the choice to.

Hillary was in deep,
IV heroin use, arrests, living on the street
and risking death on a daily basis 
while those of us who loved her from the depths of our souls
had to sit back and watch, helplessly.

I died a slow death right along with her.................

And then one day all that changed,
until it didn't and she relapsed.
And then it changed, she relapsed again and again
and again, until finally one day she realized
she was seeing the same faces at detox.
The faces of men and women
who, like her, were 'regulars'
in the beds next to hers.

She met many folks who were in the 30's, 40's 50's.......
and knew that if she didn't make a change that
she would continue the cycle.

Another round at detox, another 30, then 90 day program
and a stay at the Recovery House
in Hartford where she met Ben changed everything.

She found the will to live and not to give up


When Hillary was able to move home it was scary,
for her and for all of us.
She had to repair what she had broken during her time
with heroin. She did a ton of community service,
she found a job, she had to live her Momma
(which for a grown woman is really tough too),
and she fought the urge to use.
Over and over and over again she made the choice
to keep going even though there were setbacks.

It was NOT easy, she is not the exception.
She had to face her past and her demons, same as
anyone else in early recovery.

She had to face that it was hard to get a job,
hard not to have a vehicle, hard to earn back the trust
of her family, and just as hard to face the cravings.

Here are the statistics: sadly, most heroin addicts
do not recover, it is a dangerous disease and most
do end up either in prison or leaving this life
because 'chasing the next fix'
becomes harder with age.

This is Hillary today!

She is sober, by choice and back-breaking efforts!
She paid her debt to society and more importantly to herself.
She went to school (while mothering an infant at home)
she graduated at the top of her class and was recognized
by her teachers as a leader!
She has a career where she is trusted, respected and valued
for her contributions.
She has a family and a home of her own and
is living her dream.

She survived and did NOT relapse when we lost Ben
to an accidental overdose when she was 5 weeks pregnant
with their second child.
She has incredible loving relationships with her family,
friends, 'Old Man Sean' and her boys.
Most importantly
she has found a way to forgive and love herself.

This is only a brief snapshot of who Hillary was and is,
however, it is enough to show everyone reading this
who believes they have too many road blocks in their way,
to live a life in recovery that it is indeed possible.

Do not tell yourself those lies,
where there is a will there is a way!

I have encouraged her to share her story
because it is a story of survival,
a story of recovery and ultimately a story
of beating the odds. Hillary never allowed herself
to be weighed down by statistics!

Please......believe in yourself,
I know I believe in you because I have witnessed
miraculous recoveries first hand.

Surrender to your higher purpose
Surrender to the love that can surround you if you let it
Surrender to the possibilities
Surrender and let Hillary be an inspiration to you.

My Story
I cry tears of pride and joy as I write this:
Hillary is my firstborn and I have watched
her grow from the moment she came into this life.
I watched her fall and I watched her get back up.
I watched her walk away, had to let her go
and welcomed her with open arms when she came back.
I watched her fight for her life even when she had
no desire to go on.
I watched her rebuild relationships with her siblings
who are all now the best of friends.

She is truly my hero!
I would take a million Hillary's as my daughters
and a million Ben's as my sons.
I have been BLESSED to have many
that live with addiction in my life.
Their journey's inspire me on a daily basis!

Let them inspire you
and please
Inspire them in any way you can!

Peace be with you my friends and family
which includes all of you.

Divine Spirit of all creation,
I thank you for another day.
Please rain down
your strength and compassion 
on all those that need
your love and support 
today and always.
Hold them closely and 
remind them of their value 
and power to heal.

Please reach out to me if you are in need of resources to help in your journey or the journey of those you love toward recovery. I don't have all the answers however I have many connections that do.

Much love and prayers for healing, k

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If the spirit moves you, please consider leaving a message of hope & peace-K